It looks like other burger chains, but this one’s better value, with better chips

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First, the obvious question: who are the Five Guys? It could be the original One Direction line-up. Or Queer Eye’s “Fab Five”. Perhaps a rival family in an HBO mafia series.

Actually, it’s more ordinary than that. What’s now a global burger chain was started by a guy (Jerry Murrell) who went into business with his sons in the 1980s, starting with one shop in Virginia, growing to nearly 2000 outlets today through what Forbes describes as “one of the most remarkable franchising runs in recent restaurant history”. I know far less about franchise runs than Forbes does, so I’ll take their word for it.

Melbourne is home to two Five Guys venues, and Sydney to three. The chips have been a hot topic of conversation in our office recently, getting top marks in our ranking of fast-food chips and the tick of approval from several respected chefs. Is the rest of the menu any good? I had to know.

There’s a rich pool of burgers right now in Melbourne, allegedly far richer than the online dating pool – swipe right for your perfect smash patty! Between all the new openings (Macgregors, Charrd), the stalwarts (Andrew’s), the budding legends (Easey’s), the local franchises and the US names, what space has Five Guys carved out?

The deal is, you pay a flat price for your burger ($17.90, or $19.90 with cheese), and get to customise it with as many as 15 toppings. No extra charge. Basically, it’s the most American version of fast food possible. Your burger your way, no questions asked (unless you’re that unhinged soul who ordered mayonnaise, barbecue sauce, mustard, tomato sauce, steak sauce, hot sauce and relish).

Going in for this review, I chose what I usually like in a burger: cheese, pickle, raw onion, tomato sauce and mustard.

My first thought when I collected my paper bag after six-ish minutes of waiting: it’s heavy! Every burger comes with two patties, which together weigh in at a little over 200 grams. And dine-in or takeaway, the burger comes wrapped in foil so the corners of cheese hanging out of the bun get all melty.

The beef itself, grain-finished, was fine. It wasn’t assertively beefy, but both patties had decent char marks. They aren’t thick and juicy, they’re certainly not pink in the middle, but they’re also not a crisped-up smash patty.

Along with the cheese, the fat was exactly the amount you want. No dry patches, loads of flavour. (Five Guys patties are an 80-20 mix of lean meat to fat, the same ratio at Beatbox burger truck; In’n’Out in the States is reportedly 60-40.)

The sesame bun, made to a master recipe by a bakery in western Sydney, is soft and dense enough that my fingers had left imprints on it halfway through, meaning nothing falls out. And its sweetness might explain why a spokesperson describes the dough as similar to “cake mix”.

Second time around, I tried one of the menu’s recommended combos: jalapeno, mayo, Frank’s hot sauce and sliced tomato on a cheeseburger. The raw jalapeno could have been more evenly distributed but it delivered bite to the power of two, both crunch and heat.

And the chips? Believe the hype. They’re evenly and generously salted, have crisp edges, a defined potato taste. I dipped a couple in my ridiculously thick, very sweet peanut butter thick shake, based on a colleague’s recommendation. That’s your dessert, right there.

On two visits a week apart in March, a board near the kitchen listed where the potatoes came from: Alicata, a business that’s registered to a postcode in Thorpdale, Gippsland.

I was struck by the fact the kitchen is as open as many hatted restaurants’ kitchens, with all the hot stations in view.

It’s those touches that make me think this most American of American burger chains, which plays a soundtrack of Third Eye Blind and The Allman Brothers Band, might actually be well suited to Australia and its tradition of homespun, milk bar-style burgers. Heck, you can almost get a burger with the lot, with lettuce, onion and tomato among the add-ons. No beetroot or egg though, sorry.

The burger prices seemingly shock American customers based on my time lurking in Reddit threads, but they’re actually not all that steep for Australians, who are used to paying at least $16 at the latest buzzy burger spot.

There are also menu hacks when value is your priority. The smallest serve of fries is enormous, easily shared between two. I usually don’t have a stop button with hot chips but these defeated me. There’s also a line-up of “little” burgers – single patties – that are still satisfying, come with all the toppings, and start at $14.90.

It ain’t winning prizes for coolest burger joint in town but it gets the details right. Would I come back? I would. And, if you hate the music, you can always put your headphones in.

Good Food reviews are booked anonymously and paid independently. A restaurant can’t pay for a review or inclusion in the Good Food Guide.