I find my husband’s nighttime habit to be unhygienic. He disagrees
Q: At night before bed, my husband brushes his teeth while urinating in the toilet. I find this unhygienic, but he disagrees. Who’s right? R.T., Woolloomooloo, NSW
A: Brushing your teeth is a very tedious task. For much of our lives, we’ve been standing in front of a sink at least twice a day, brushing up and down, up and down. Until we were taught that was wrong and we were supposed to be brushing round and round, round and round. Until we were taught that was wrong and now we’re supposed to be brushing in subatomic oscillations at an angle of 47.3 degrees using brush bristles made of charcoal and the underbelly-fur of a chinchilla.
Brushing your teeth is so tedious that many of us rush through it: give our teeth a quick once-over, rinse and spit, then leave the bathroom with half-clean teeth, half-fresh breath, and a pendulum of toothpaste swinging from our chins. But multitasking is an ingenious way of extending our brushing time: brush in the shower, brush while house-cleaning, brush and do some exercise (let me tell you, planking with a hard, plastic stick pointing towards the back of your throat can really motivate you to hold yourself up for way longer than you’d think). And I can totally see why your husband has incorporated some light toileting into his teeth-brushing regimen: he’s in the bathroom, he’s got a free hand and it’s reasonably hygienic unless he’s got appalling aim or he’s an over-exuberant after-shaker.
For the sake of dental health, I’m on your husband’s side, but if you’re still concerned about the hygiene factor, just buy him one of those hands-free, mouthguard-shaped, electric brushes. Then he can brush and urinate all day long and wind up with a set of sparkly-white, minty-fresh, worn-down
tooth-nubbins.
Read more from Modern Guru:
Is it rude to keep listening to my podcast while my partner is talking to me?
Is it bad luck to throw out my old Bible?
Am I being precious about how to use my tea towel?
Help! My new partner doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.