‘I’d rather be homeless than not meet my baby’: Inside Tanya’s long road to motherhood

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Tanya Hennessy. The comedian, radio announcer, podcaster, TV presenter and author, 40, has more than 2.3 million followers across social-media platforms. The first book in her junior-fiction series is Sunny and Storm.

MONEY

What did your parents do for money? My dad ran a business called Mars Fundraising. You know how you get crates full of Mars Bars, Maltesers and Snickers to sell for your school? My dad ran that. We had an unlimited supply of M&M’s. Unlimited.

So you were rich … in chocolate. Yes, then I’d wonder why I had a weight problem and a sugar addiction. Then my dad moved into coffee. The world’s most addictive substances and I had access to an unlimited supply of both!

What did your mum do? My mum’s a librarian. That’s why I love reading and writing.

Growing up, how did you want to earn a living? As a theatre director. I was a dresser in musical theatre for years but I can’t sew. The fact that I was in wardrobe was outrageous. I was a dresser on Mary Poppins and one of the ensemble members said, “Girl, you are really funny, but you are the worst dresser. You are so bad. Also, you shouldn’t have a ukulele back here.” [Shrugs] You  need to be quiet backstage in a musical. So then I started doing stand-up and got into commercial radio.

You’ve recently had a baby – congratulations! You’ve been candid about your IVF journey, especially the financial dimension of it. Why? I want other people to go, “F---, yeah, I’m going through that, too.” So many people have to remortgage their homes. At one point, I felt I’d rather be homeless than not meet my baby.

Wow, that’s an incredible thing to clock about yourself. I had savings, but I was like, “I’d rather not go to Europe and meet this baby.” And meeting her … It’s a position of privilege, but I would do this all over again. I’d spend all this money.

Some parents will say that the debt of parenthood can never be repaid. It’s amazing that there’s a literal dollar figure attached to your child. [Laughs] I know! I walked into [Nova host] Ricki-Lee’s show and I was like, “Please hold my very expensive baby.”

Being a parent is expensive, too. How are you finding that financial reality? Well, now I’ve got to do more bloody sponsored content!

POLITICS

We’re talking about politics, and just before this interview, you randomly ran into Bob Katter … I know! And I was like, “Wait, which one are you?”

Many Australians would relate, especially when it comes to federal politicians. It’s like, “I’m ambiently aware of you …” Ambiently aware!

“… but who are you? And why am I paying your salary?” Bob wanted a photo with me and I was like … [makes reluctant face]

It feels like an endorsement. And I was like, “Well, I don’t want to endorse you since I’m postpartum and confused and can’t figure out which white Boomer you are.” Then he saw my baby and said, “I want a photo with that baby.” I thought that was a joke, how politicians want to take photos with babies. But no. Also, I once ran into Barnaby Joyce at a party in Toowoomba …

Wait, what? I took his phone and I tweeted from his Twitter account, “Tanya Hennessy is the best radio announcer in Toowoomba.”

What happened next? It just stayed there for a week.

Between you tweeting from Barnaby Joyce’s phone and running into Bob Katter, you’re the Forrest Gump of Australian politics: there at all of the key moments! So true.

When an election rolls around, what are the top three issues you bring into the voting booth? Women. Arts. Education.

What makes you cringe about Australia? How we treat First Nations people.

And what makes you proud? It’s cool that we have bins. Have you been to Egypt? They don’t have bins.

Have you ever been approached to run for office? [Beams] No.

DEATH

If you were to die today, what would you regret not doing? Nothing. I’ve done everything I ever wanted to do. I never live with regret.

What would you be most proud of, or happy to have done? Bringing a really fierce baby into the world. She fought to be here. I have really bad endometriosis and she’s the only embryo that survived.

What do you think happens after we die? You just die. You just go into a box and that’s it. Which is really sad.

Have you ever had a moment where you thought, “Well, that’s the death of my career”? Yes, when I had a book signing – and no one came.

How would you like to die, ideally? In my sleep. Otherwise, I’d like a funny death. As in … if I fell off the stage into the drums of an orchestra pit and someone was there to record it.

You want to be a meme! I do! I’m going for that Darwin Award! [The Darwin Awards are a tongue-in-cheek honour that celebrates those individuals who deselect themselves from the human gene pool by doing something mind-bendingly stupid.]

How would you not like to die? By fire.

How are you most likely to die? In a car accident.

Are you a bad driver? Yes, and I know my last word is going to be “F---!”

Any requests for the funeral? Just play [the soundtrack of] Rent.

What would you like written on your tombstone? Something really stupid like: “Hot girl lies here.”

diceytopics@goodweekend.com.au

More from Dicey Topics:
‘I’m a specialist’: Actor-comic Mary Coustas on finding positives from heartbreak
Christie Whelan Browne: ‘Infertility is not something to be ashamed of’
Matt was 12 when he found his mother collapsed in the shower. She died just weeks later
‘The flavour of the forbidden’: Russian-born author M Gessen’s unusual teen rebellion

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